Motherhood

3 tips for avoiding sibling rivalry

~ emmaakoch ~ Leave a comment

Before we had our second daughter I braced for the worst. Jealousy, battles over toys, constant competition for our time.

As an only child, I had no first hand experience with sibling dynamics, and felt a bit like I was about to set sail into uncharted waters. I craved some guidance.

Poring over articles, books, and blog posts, I looked for suggestions on how to help two little beings coexist. 

While I read, Viv practiced.

What I did not expect, was the pure unconditional love. From the moment she was born. 


Her gaze – you cannot fake that adoration. 

There are three pieces of advice that I found the most useful and truly impactful right from the start:

1. Don’t hold the new baby when your older child first arrives to meet them in the hospital. 

You want to be able to greet your older child with open (and empty) arms.  This is likely the first time they have seen you in a day or two as well, so they will crave your undivided attention and affection. It is a small detail, but one that I found logical.

2. Have a little gift wrapped and waiting that is “from” the new baby. Good old fashioned bribery!

We got this doctors kit and it was a huge hit – it was interactive and provided a way for the two of them to “play” from the start. A swaddled sleeping baby is the most patient of patients! 

3. In the beginning, when both kids are crying, tend to the older sibling FIRST. 

This may seem counterintuitive when you are faced with a screaming, completely helpless newborn. But your newborn won’t remember that you comforted the other first. Your older child will, and will grow resentful.
 

As Celia has gotten older and more vocal, there are more conflicts. But wow do these girls love eachother. 

So what do you think? Do you have any favorite tips for helping ease sibling jealousy? I am especially curious to hear suggestions for helping siblings deal with conflict as they get older, more vocal and mobile. 

Have a silly weekend.

~ emmaakoch ~ 3 Comments

This weekend, we plan to do more of this:

And some of this:

And perhaps a bit of this:

Our good friends had their 3rd baby this week, isn’t he just so precious?

It got me thinking about sibling dynamics. 

Next week I’ll talk about my three favorite suggestions for avoiding sibling rivalry in the early days.

What are you up to this weekend?

Kuplink, Kuplank, Kuplunk  

~ emmaakoch ~ Leave a comment

It is prime blueberry season here, and as I sat with my daughter last week reading “Blueberries for Sal” I realized that if we weren’t quick, we might miss it.

Tree Berry Farm in Scituate offers pick-your-own berry plants.
 
It was hot out, so we worked quickly. 

Between the two of us, we brought in 4lbs of berries!

The end result – a blueberry pie. 


 I just realized I never got a chance to capture it after it was baked.

 It must have been eaten too quickly.

The good in girly

~ emmaakoch ~ 2 Comments

I have a 3.5yr old daughter. She loves pink. She loves sparkles. She loves dresses, and most especially dresses that go all the way down to her toes – like a princess! 

I have spent the past 3.5yrs trying not to cringe when she asks for another necklace to wear, another sparkly headband or crown. 

I would rather she go play in the dirt. Focus less on being “beautiful” and more on being strong.

In essence, I have spent the past 3.5yrs trying to guide her away from being “girly”. 

But this morning, I read an article by Kristen Bell which has given me pause. In it, she asks, “why is being girly a negative adjective?”.

Kristen Bell starts by making the controversial statement, that men and women are not equal.  Should we have equal power? Yes. Should we have equal opportunity? Yes. But are we the same? No.

“There are differences – inherent and unwavering differences. For the majority of the human timeline, these differences were openly viewed as female weaknesses; crating a chasm between men and women.”

“I’d like to add my voice to so many voices who have chosen to flip the narrative and see these disparities as beautiful, unconquerable and inspiring.”

Bell argues:

“This ever-long journey toward equality demands that we, as females, actually embrace our inequalities and value them as superpowers.”


So today, I embrace my daughter’s girly-ness. I embrace her sensitivity, her astounding empathy. She is thoughtful, caring, intuitive.

She can sense if one person in a room full of adults is not happy. And then, she thinks up creative suggestions to help.

She is also strong. And aggressively protective of her little sister. She is brave, and I know this because she can articulate when she is feeling scared to do something, and yet she gets up and does it anyways.

She is my girl. My girly girl. And this weekend we will put on our sparkly princess crowns in all of our girly glory, and play in the dirt.